Thanksgiving is nothing but a toast to genocide.

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Except in very narrow cases where there's breakthrough science that needs patent production worrying about competitors is a waste of time. If you can't out iterate someone who is trying to copy you you're toast anyway.

The relationship of the toastmaster to speaker should be the same as that of the fan to the fan dancer. It should call attention to the subject without making any particular effort to cover it.

I need to eat before a workout. If I exercise in the morning I'll have a little oatmeal cereal or a hard-boiled egg with toast. If I go in the afternoon I'll eat a turkey sandwich with cheese for lunch.

I blend my green drink every morning. I also fix my son a full-on American breakfast with bacon and toast.

They don't need a lawyer they need a toastmaster.

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.