When I was eight years old I got a dummy for Christmas and started teaching myself. I got books and records and sat in front of the bathroom mirror practising. I did my first show in the third grade and just kept going there was no reason to quit.

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

When I was a teenager I would lock myself in the bathroom for hours bouffanting my hair like Patty Duke and trying to recreate Barbra Streisand's flawless eyeliner only to comb it all out and wash it all off before stepping out into the world a butchish bisexual teen.

In order to satirize adequately I think you need to bring people down to Earth and be like 'Yeah these people drink coffee and have tummy troubles and they go to the bathroom like anybody else and they all have relationship problems if they even have relationships.'

I have piles of poetry books in the bathroom on the stairs everywhere. The only way to write poetry is to read it.

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

I love to be in my bathroom with my candles lit morning noon and night. I like taking hot baths and hot showers using my body scrubs and lotions.

I'm very happy with the way I look. I wake up some morning catch myself in the bathroom mirror and go 'hey girl you're alright'. But on the other hand I find the website stuff and the polls something completely removed from my own personal life. You can't take anything like that too seriously otherwise you'd end up in the loony bin.

When Demetrie got sick we knew it was our responsibility to take care of her and pay her medical bills. And we embraced that. But the tricky part is like so many families in the South we also expected her to use a separate bathroom to use separate utensils.

For marriage to be a success every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.