After marriage a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.

A woman asking 'Am I good? Am I satisfied?' is extremely selfish. The less women fuss about themselves the less they talk to other women the more they try to please their husbands the happier the marriage is going to be.

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.

The real act of marriage takes place in the heart not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

In a happy marriage it is the wife who provides the climate the husband the landscape.

Faithful women are all alike they think only of their fidelity never of their husbands.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

A husband is what is left of a lover after the nerve has been extracted.

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.