Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And when in doubt make funny faces.

Hemingway seems to be in a funny position. People nowadays can't identify with him closely as a member of their own generation and he isn't yet historical.

When I was a little kid I wrote this play about all these characters living in a haunted house. There was a witch who lived there and a mummy. When they were all hassling him this guy who bought the house - I can't believe I remember this - he said to them 'Who's paying the mortgage on this haunted house?' I thought that was really funny.

Don't remember me as too nice or beautiful or funny because then you'll be disappointed.

I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny.

You know how old I am? I'm so old I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am.

I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.