The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.

After marriage a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage just listen to her talking to her little brother.

On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable.

A husband is what is left of a lover after the nerve has been extracted.

All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage half shut afterwards.

We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack.

Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic the second is intimate the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.

A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness but after that he begins to bunch them.