In the future when Microsoft leaves a security-flaw in their code it won't mean that somebody hacks your computer. It will mean that somebody takes control of your servant robot and it stands in your bedroom doorway sharpening a knife and watching you sleep.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

It's funny the hardest thing to do is to make something look like it's fast loose and improvised and get somebody to laugh.

I think it's always funny when somebody thinks you're going to do something super sexy and then you don't.

With Portlandia I don't think our intention is always to find something funny. Sometimes the humor comes from taking something really seriously. We're okay with making somebody feel uncomfortable or uneasy.

It's sad and upsetting when you see somebody crying hysterically but at the same time it's real funny.

It's funny that I got to do 'On the Road' because the thing that had the biggest impact on me growing up was reading books. I was very inspired by the book and this spirit of Dean Moriarty and how envious we all are of somebody who can be that carefree.

Comedy is surprises so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh that's funny.

You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny or you ain't.