Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly except shorter and Jewish.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Everybody knows how to raise children except the people who have them.

I don't need to go onto Facebook and pretend to have friends I've never even met. To my mind that kind of destroys the meaning of the word 'friend.' I take exception to that. Because I value and respect friendship.

My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free it was 1972 with the exception of two little one-shot one-song things. But that's just for friends out of friendship for the people involved and also because it was fun.

There is something akin to freedom in having a lover who has no control over you except that which he gains by kindness and attachment.

Liberals it has been said are generous with other peoples' money except when it comes to questions of national survival when they prefer to be generous with other people's freedom and security.

Men are never really willing to die except for the sake of freedom: therefore they do not believe in dying completely.

The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.

I had no accomplishments except surviving. But that isn't enough in the community where I came from because everybody was doing it. So I wasn't prepared for America where everybody is glowing with good teeth and good clothes and food.