The mistakes made by Congress wouldn't be so bad if the next Congress didn't keep trying to correct them.

I'm not happy all the time and I wouldn't want to be because that would make me a shallow person. But I do try to find the good in everybody.

As a real person he wouldn't last a minute would he? But drama is about imperfection. And we've moved away from the aspirational hero. We got tired of it it was dull. If I was House's friend I would hate it. How he so resolutely refuses to be happy or take the kind-hearted road. But we don't always like morally good people do we?

Life's pretty good and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate after all.

If God had wanted man to play soccer he wouldn't have given us arms.

I try to give to the poor people for love what the rich could get for money. No I wouldn't touch a leper for a thousand pounds yet I willingly cure him for the love of God.

If my future were determined just by my performance on a standardized test I wouldn't be here. I guarantee you that.

The funny thing is the songs that people think are about me probably aren't. And the songs that are probably are the ones they wouldn't think... so that's where it kind of is funny.

I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.

I have an inability to enjoy things but that's why we're in comedy. If we were happy we wouldn't be funny I guess.