I wish they'd had electric guitars in cotton fields back in the good old days. A whole lot of things would've been straightened out.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did why in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

What good am I? I can't have kids. I can't cook. I've been divorced three times. Who would want me?

Those disputing contradicting and confuting people are generally unfortunate in their affairs. They get victory sometimes but they never get good will which would be of more use to them.

Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.

What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.

Those who can win a war well can rarely make a good peace and those who could make a good peace would never have won the war.

It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over He would have put diamonds on the floor.