The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67 and he's still as funny as he's ever been and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good because I feel like if I stick around long enough I'll still be able to work.

People often ask me how I make things funny. I don't make things funny.

There are so many funny women in the world and there has been for so many years so I'll be happy when people can just move on from that and things can just be 'comedies' and not 'female' or 'male ' and everyone gets an equal opportunity.

Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest ' humor is the only thing that is dead.

I have an inability to enjoy things but that's why we're in comedy. If we were happy we wouldn't be funny I guess.

We sit in a room for months trying to think of funny things.

'Married with Children' was racy. It was sexist. It was a lot of things but mostly it was funny.

Memories are doing funny things to us.

Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious you're a clown.

Movies these days have made killers into funny people. What's that all about? I've got kids and family and friends and I don't like bad things. I don't think they're funny and it's irresponsible to make movies that don't show you how that's not good.