I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally my body was changing my mind was changing and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness.
Some movies bring out the creativity in you. Every single audience member can become creative in the face of a particular movie. If you happen to like my films it's because my films provide a bed for you on which you can find your creativity. The Hollywood movies do not provide that for you.