Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

But on second thought after I decreed the state of emergency I came to the conclusion that that was impossible to achieve without bloodshed because the street protesters were full of anger and nearly out of control. This is why I thought we needed to find another way out.

It was Julie Burchill who decreed that beyond a certain age a man should not be seen in a leather jacket.