When I was a teenager I would lock myself in the bathroom for hours bouffanting my hair like Patty Duke and trying to recreate Barbra Streisand's flawless eyeliner only to comb it all out and wash it all off before stepping out into the world a butchish bisexual teen.

Growing up my ideals were Barbra Streisand Cher and my mom.

My biggest nightmare is I'm driving home and get sick and go to hospital. I say: 'Please help me.' And the people say: 'Hey you look like...' And I'm dying while they're wondering whether I'm Barbra Streisand.

Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times eat at least 45 chocolate bars and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that through a combination of Nutella old pals and Barbra Streisand we can achieve happiness and very probably world peace.