The culture is going into a psychological depression. We are concerned about our place in the world about being competitive: Will my children have as much as I have? Will I ever own my own home? How can I pay for a new car? Are immigrants taking away my white world?

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once and by car forever after.

I accept the Old Testament as more of an action movie: blood car chases evacuations a lot of special effects seas dividing mass murder adultery. The children of God are running amok wayward. Maybe that's why they're so relatable.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

People are always saying that Hollywood messes up kids. I'm like 'No families mess up kids!' I grew up in Hollywood and I'm perfectly fine. If my children want to go into the entertainment business I won't stop them as long as they're passionate about it.

I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one point I'll walk away from show business. But I don't want to walk away empty-handed.

I am a child but I have to think and act like a woman this business forces you to.

Childhood is a tricky business. Usually something goes wrong.

Teach your children how to behave with animals. Adopt a pet. Don't go buy one. Please. That's a sin. Let's get these puppy mills out of business.